Coming Out

 Everyone talks about it, but few really talk about how long it takes. And how anxiety ridden a process it can be. 

When I was still maybe not fully out to myself, my girlfriend pulled the info out from me. This was the summer of 2019. I told a therapist a few months later. I didn't tell anyone else until January of 2020. And that was just my siblings. I accidentally maybe hinted at things with my parents in May, and didn't start hormones until June. And now, I'm still only out to like, 3 more friends?

Right now, I'm waiting on a response from my parents in regards to a more formal and official coming out. I sent it Sunday morning. It's now Wednesday night. I'm currently terrified. Both at what they might respond with, and their lack of a response.

Last week, I told someone I was confused about what my name was, because in that split second decision, I couldn't decide if I could trust them or not. I used my name at my ear piercer, but my deadname with a laser hair removal place. I don't know how either place feels about trans people.

I'm completely putting off making any mention to friends. Covid helps. Because I don't have to see any of them in person. But still. I don't know any of their opinions on trans people. I have a few trans acquaintances added as friends on Facebook. I haven't told either. Although I know both of them would definitely be supportive.

We're hanging with my girlfriend's family this weekend. Her parents don't know. I don't want to come out, because she needs to come out as bisexual to them first. Also, I'm not sure I want to come out in person with them. Especially if I'm also not doing the same with my parents.

Ugh. The whole situation is a mess. And I'm not sure I'll ever get to stop the process of coming out. It'll be a constant cycle for the rest of my life.